I am not alone!

A few weeks ago I was feeling really overwhelmed and very discouraged about things - mostly things to do with Peyton. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO incredibly proud of what great things she's accomplished in the past few years, but there are days I can't help but sit and wonder what the future holds. Right now we're really struggling with potty training. She "gets" the idea, but she's deathly afraid of going on the potty...she'll sit there for a total of about 2 seconds, then she gets tears in her eyes and says "all done". We have managed to get her to go in the bathroom on her own when she has to go #2, so that's a big step, but I still just want so badly for her to be fully potty trained!! I think it'll be a big confidence booster for her, plus selfishly, I sure could do without the judgmental glances from people when we walk into a public restroom with a pull-up in hand. Well, as I was trying to do my best to focus on the positive things we've got going on in our life and with Peyton, I stumbled across a great blog that a few moms of special needs kids have created. It's a devotional site designed specifically for these moms to talk about the struggles they're facing in relation to different bible studies they're going through. Right now they're doing the Joyce Meyers study "Never Give Up!", and as I read through some of the posts I just broke down and cried. FINALLY! Someplace to find some spiritual encouragement from someone who is walking down the same road as me!!! The tears were complete tears of JOY, because the past three and a half years since we received Peyton's diagnosis have been very tough spiritually. As hard as all my friends may try to understand some of the struggles I'm facing, there's really no way for them to fully understand. I do have to say, though, that I have so many amazing friends who have surrounded me and are always there to celebrate the accomplishments and work through the set-backs with Peyton - and for that I am incredibly grateful!!

As I read through the devotional blog post this morning on the "Spectrum Spirit" site, there was one part that hit me like a ton of bricks that I want to share:

Waiting on the Lord...
"When success does not come easily, when we find ourselves frustrated and weary in our efforts, we need to wait for the Lord." -Joyce Meyer page 118
That's where I feel like I'm at right now, waiting on the Lord. I'll be honest with you, my son just turned 7 last month and this is not where I thought we'd be. Even when they gave us his diagnosis four years ago, I always thought by the time he was 5 he'd catch up to his twin brother. Then when he turned 5 my thoughts turned to he'd catch up by the time he was 7. He's now 7. Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful and feel so incredibly blessed by him and all of the progress he's made. However, my dream of my son being completely healed from autism is not working out to my timing. I believe God is trying to pull me closer to Him during this time and something is keeping me from getting closer. I'm not sure what. But, after reading this chapter, I'm going to spend more time waiting on Him. I am thankful that Joyce included in this chapter what exactly it means to "wait on the Lord" because I really needed some help with this. On page 118 Joyce says "it simply means spending time with Him, being in His presence, meditating on His Word, worshiping Him, keeping Him at the center of our lives." She then writes "While we wait, we need to aggressively expect God to do great things in us and in our lives." I believe that God still wants me to research all of the different therapies, supplements and biomedical treatments out there for my son. I also believe he wants me to spend as much time as I possibly can playing and being there with him. I don't think that by "waiting" for Him, He just wants me to do nothing. He wants me to continue doing what I'm doing for my son but take the time to be with my Father as well so that I know what He needs for me to do. I also know that for me, the more time I spend with God, the better my attitude, my outlook and my emotions are. Remember what Joyce says on page 121..."Waiting on the Lord does not have to be complicated. Just put Him at the top of your priority list. He wants you to have and enjoy a quality of life you may be missing because you are not spending time with Him."

Wow. I feel like if you just replaced the references to this woman's son with "daughter" and replaced the references to autism with "global apraxia" this paragraph pretty much explains my spiritual struggles I've been wrestling with. I can't even tell you how excited I am to continue reading this blog and receiving encouragement and spiritual food from it! Thank you God for reminding me that I am not alone!!

Peyton the Chatterbox!!

Some of you have already seen these, but for those of who aren't on Facebook, check out Peyton's latest and greatest!!!

Here she is singing "Baby Bumblebee":



And here she's showing us what she learned at school:

Brilliant

Wow, I love this.

Peyton's First Day

Well, this morning Peyton had her open house at the mainstream preschool she'll be attending. She's in her third year of ECSE preschool now, but those class sizes are very small and so we thought it'd be good for her to get used to being in a larger, regular size class just like she will be for Kindergarten next year. We've heard great things about Children's Country Preschool here in Hanover (specifically how well they work with special needs kids!), so we're excited to start the year there.

As we walked in to the classroom, Peyton went right over to one of the teacher's and asked "What's your name?" - and here I was worried she'd be shy and wouldn't want to talk/interact with anyone! She wasn't afraid at all to approach other kids and ask them their names (and of course point out that the shirt or shorts they were wearing MATCHED Peyton's dress...leave it to the fashion diva). The teacher started out by reading "The Kissing Hand" to the class and she had a little raccoon puppet she introduced to the class as a "new friend". Next we did a little craft with our handprints and hearts in the middle - Peyton loved pressing her hand in to the giant ink pad. She kept saying "Oh no! Got messy!" and laughing. After we finished our craft time we did some singing, learned about the classroom rules and had a snack. Once snack time was finished up we had some free-choice time. Peyton popped up out of her chair and quickly made her way back over to where we'd had opening group time. She grabbed the raccoon puppet, turned around and told me "You sit down. I'm the teacher." So obviously I obeyed the "teacher" and sat down while she took a seat in the rocking chair that Miss Trisha had been sitting in. With the puppet on her hand, Peyton says to me, "Say hi to our friend!" and smiles. I love seeing how she's getting more and more in to pretend play, etc.! Peyton got to be the teacher's helper for music time, which she thought was SO great. We sang a fun song, did some dancing and then wrapped up with our closing group time. The teacher talked about how excited she was to have each of the kids in her class, then she said, "Does anyone have any questions?". Peyton yells out, "I do!". The teacher says, "Okay Peyton, what's your question?". Peyton sat there for a minute, looked around at all the kids, then looked back at the teacher and asked "Where's Carter?". I thought I was going to pee my pants laughing!! Anyone who knows Peyton knows that her favorite person in the world is her best bud, Carter. Unfortunately they're in different ECSE classes this year which has been kind of tough, but it sure was sweet to see that she still has a VERY special place for him in her heart!!

Peyton I'm SO proud of you for what a special girl you are and all the wonderful new things you're learning. Daddy and I are so thankful that God chose us to be your parents!! Thank you for being such a sweetie with such a big heart! We love you!!

Trying something new

Take a minute and check out the latest addition to the Libby blog family - Phat Photos by Libby Design. This one will be devoted to photography - fun stuff!

Whose Kids Are You Talking About???

So last night I co-hosted a Tupperware party with my friend/neighbor, Kelly, and I found out a few days earlier that Chad had Fantasy Football draft party #3 the same night. Perfect. We lucked out and were able to score one of the sitters we've used in the past from church. The kids were excited when we told them Jo was coming to play. They really enjoy having sitters come, but last night was the first time we thought we'd try having the sitter put the kids to bed. This might sound like no big deal, but keep in mind that Peyton is very much a "schedule/routine" girl...and then there's Carson who we nicknamed the "sleepless child" for the first few years of his life. Then of course there was the fact the kids had just had their first day back to daycare, so they were both super clingy when I picked them up. I'm just going to be honest here - I was fairly certain there'd be mass chaos when Jo attempted to put the kids down. But I figured worse case scenario, I'm right across the street, so the kids are comatose on the couch when I run back across the street after my party.

Before we went to get the sitter I'd talked with the kids about how Jo was going to put them to bed. Carson had a few questions like, "Who's going to brush my back teeth?" and "What if I can't get my jammies zipped?". We talked through all the "what ifs" both of the kids had and they seemed a little confused. Peyton kept asking "Jo sleeping downstairs?" because usually if they go to bed and someone's still here (Grandma & Grandpa Peterson especially) then they sleep in the guest room downstairs. Well the time came for me to head over to help set up for the party and I reminded the kids about bedtime and left a big long note for the sitter explaining our bedtime routine, etc. Then I left. At the party I kept checking the clock thinking, oh boy, wonder how things are going. Well by the time we got everyone out the door and things cleaned up it was about 9:45pm. I quickly ran across the street and entered the house to find it....quiet. I could faintly hear the white noise of the kids sound machines upstairs. But other than that, it was quiet. Jo came walking up the stairs from downstairs and said, "Hey!". Of course the first thing out of my mouth was "How'd bedtime go?". What came out of her mouth completely and utterly shocked me. She replied, "Wow, you're kids are so great! They've been the easiest kids BY FAR to put to bed! I gave them a warning that it was 'almost' bedtime and they both ran upstairs to the bathroom to brush teeth, then got jammies on, went potty and we read some books. Then they both got in their beds and said 'good night, Jo!' and I haven't heard a peep out of them since! I LOVE babysitting for you guys!!". I just stood there. Seriously, I was speechless. All I could say was, "Wow....wow....wow...", then I finally managed to say something else like "Well I'm glad it went well...wow.".

As I was driving Jo home, I just kept thinking about everything she'd said about the kids and how they'd behaved for her. Then I felt bad that I'd automatically assumed they'd melt in to useless heaps of nothingness without me there to console them. I guess after the long summer of having everyone home without any real schedule and all of us getting on each others nerves as a result, I'd just had it in my head that the kids wouldn't know how to deal with the fact that neither of us were home for bedtime like we usually are. I smiled driving home and said "Thanks God!" - this couldn't have come at a better time. Right as I'm staring at an insanely crazy schedule for the upcoming school year and feeling like somewhat of a failure as a parent with the last few weeks of summer break having not gone so well. So this morning I woke up feeling renewed and ready to take on this crazy life that God has given me, with all the running around to three different preschools, various therapy appointments, client appointments, church meetings, etc. It's funny how God takes little things like a babysitter telling you how wonderfully well-behaved your children were to reassure you that despite all your feelings of inadequacy, He's right there beside you, helping you and guiding you through all the trials you're facing.

Wordless Wednesday - "Roughing It"

As I'm sure you can tell, our camping trip this past weekend was VERY rustic. :)